If you’re not careful, online dating can become rife with drama. It all comes down to the nature of the beast: when you’re communicating primarily online and through text, it’s easy for misunderstandings to take root. Dating makes us feel vulnerable. So, when these misunderstandings happen, it’s easy for us to go on the defensive, hence creating needless drama.
If you’re hoping to keep your online dating life as fun and enjoyable as possible, here’s a few ways to safeguard it from senseless drama.
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Don’t add the people that you date to social media. Just don’t.
One of the easiest ways to avoid drama in your online dating life is to keep it separate from the rest of your online dating life. While the temptation to Facebook or Instagram stalk that cute guy or girl you just went for coffee with is real (hey, we’ve all done it), there’s no reason for you to add him to your social media accounts just yet. There’s a handful of reasons why:
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a) You don’t really know this person.
I know what you’re thinking, “But they seemed so nice! And they’re so cute! I don’t care if they see all of my online life!” You say that now, but the truth is, if you’ve only just started dating you don’t really know this person. Not really. There’s no rush. You can always add them to your social media later (once you’re sure that they’re not a serial killer.)
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b) It’s easy to jump to conclusions.
When you’re privy to someone’s social media, it’s easy to start jumping to conclusions. Why is he liking her bikini photo? Does the fact that she liked her ex’s cat photo mean she’s still in love with him?! Why haven’t they deleted photos of their ex from Instagram? Eww, he likes the Justin Bieber fan page?! Sound familiar? Sometimes too much information is really just too much information. Even if you’re not thinking these things, there’s always the chance that the other person is (cue: Psycho theme music.) And really, who wants that kind of paranoia in their life?
Instead of trying to figure out the person you’re dating from their social media, get to know them in person and allow the relationship to unfold organically.
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c) When you stop dating, things can get awkward fast.
If you decide that no longer want to pursue a romantic relationship with someone and you have them on social media, there’s the awkward “should I or shouldn’t I delete them?” Curtail the situation altogether by never adding them to social media in the first place.
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Mix up your date locations.
While it may be convenient to take all of your first dates to the same cozy wine bar (their charcuterie platter is amazing), by doing so, you’re basically inviting drama into your life – especially you are dating in a small geographic area. To avoid bumping into people you’ve already dated or are also currently dating, mix up your date locations. Explore some new venues. Try a bar or coffee shop that isn’t located in your neighbourhood. When it comes to keeping your dating life fresh and vital, it never hurts to mix things up.
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Ask for clarification.
When you’re dealing with texting and other forms of written communication, a lot can get lost in translation. So, before you send a text to your best friend that says, “OMG, WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?” or jump to any conclusions- ask the person you’re dating for clarification. If you’re not having much success with textual communication, ask to speak to them on the phone. Not everyone is good at texting. Often potential misunderstandings can be avoided just by hearing someone’s voice. This is called communicating like an adult. You can do it.
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Keep your online profile positive and upbeat.
Like attracts like. If your online dating profile reads like an episode of Love and Hip Hop (“I’M A GOOD WOMAN LOOKING FOR A REAL MAN. NO DEADBEAT DADS OR FAKE MEN WHO ARE AFRAID OF A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN. I AM THROUGH WITH LOSERS AND DRAMA!”) you need to fix that. By creating drama in your profile, you’re going to attract dramatic people – even if you mention that you’re “NOT LOOKING FOR DRAMA.” Simple as that.
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More drama, doesn’t mean more love.
When I was younger I used to think that a connection wasn’t real unless there was some drama involved. The more drama = the stronger the connection and feelings. I blame this on Hollywood rom coms. But, the truth is, healthy relationships aren’t full of drama. They’re happy and enjoyable. Eliminating drama from your online dating life is the first step to getting there.
