Dating is challenging. This is especially true if you’ve been out of the dating loop for a while and are trying to get back into the groove. Once you reach a certain age, chances are that many of the people you meet online are going to have children from previous relationships. Dating can be challenging under normal circumstances. Throw some additional young humans into the mix and things can get even more complicated! However, with that said, dating a single parent isn’t impossible. Dating a single mom or dad can be an enriching, rewarding, awesome experience – if you let it be!

On that note, if you’re going to be dating a single mom, you’re going to have to adjust your approach to dating.  Here’s a few things you should know before you ask out that lovely and fascinating single mom you met online –

1. Her kids will always come first (as they should!) –

First thing first: if you think this relationship is going to be all about you, you’re mistaken. As a mother, her children will always come first. These tiny (or not so tiny) humans are her flesh and her blood. She made them. They come first. It’s not that she won’t love and cherish you with all her heart, it’s just that in whatever situation, she’s going to put her children’s needs first – and that’s a good thing! Would you really want to date someone who neglects their kids in favor of their dating life? Of course not. By putting her kids first, it means she’s an awesome parent. Respect that!

2. No really, it’s not all about you –

The sooner you accept this, the better. As a busy single parent, her free time is limited. You’re going to need to be comfortable with the fact that she likely won’t want to spend all of it with you. She’s going to need some “me time” just for herself so she can recharge  – whether that’s binge watching a few episodes of her favourite show, treating herself to some self-care at the salon or just taking a quick nap at the end of a grueling day. Whining or trying to guilt trip her into spending more time with you is the quickest way to lose the attention and respect of a single mom. She’s a badass, independent single parent likely juggling a career, a family and a host of other responsibilities – she doesn’t have time for your nonsense.

Instead, if you’re looking to really impress your single mom and make her feel special, encourage her to take time for herself. Send her for a mani-pedi. Tell her you want her to take time for herself or go for a special night out with her girlfriends. Showing that you’re not selfish and legitimately care about her needs will win you some major points (and make you an awesome partner in her eyes!)

3. There’s a good chance that her ex is still in the picture. Always take the highroad –

If you’re dating a single mom, there’s a good chance that her ex is still in her life – as he should be, since he’s the father of her children. Although it might feel at times like you’re in a relationship with multiple people (her, her ex, the kids), there’s no way around this. You just have to accept it for what it is. Yes, her ex is in her life but she’s no longer with him. She moved on – something that takes a lot of strength and resolve to do when you have kids in the mix. Even if you think that this guy is a total asshat, you’re going to have to interact and be civil with him.

Which, brings me to my next point: when it comes to dealing with her ex, always, always take the high-road. Don’t talk bad about him. Resist the urge to practice your MMA moves on him (even when he deserves it.) Most likely, she’s already well aware that this guy is ridiculous and feels bad about it. She doesn’t need you to make it worse. You’re going to win so many more points by being a grown up and the bigger person, than by dissing her children’s father or trying to fight her battles for her. Her ex is her problem, not yours.

4. Be prepared to meet her kids at some point –

Every parent is different when it comes to introducing the person they’re dating to their children. Some people will make the introduction right away to see how both parties get along, while other single parents prefer to keep their dating life private until they know a relationship is serious. Whatever she decides – respect it. However, keep in mind that you will eventually have to interact with her kids. If this is a problem, you might want to reconsider dating a single mom.

5. Plans might change suddenly. Let them.

At times, your single mom might seem kind of flaky. Be patient with her. It’s not that she’s trying to be flaky, it’s just that being a single parent is often a complex juggling act that involves many moving parts. Sometimes certain pieces fall out of orbit – ie. your dinner plans get cancelled because a babysitter bails at the last minute or her child gets sick. Always keep in mind: The easiest way to woo a single mom and show them you care is by being understanding and supportive about her ever evolving, complicated schedule and set of responsibilities.