When you meet someone you really like, it’s natural to see everything through rose colored glasses. That feeling of overwhelming optimism – like your new partner can’t do any wrong – is kind of what makes falling in love (or like) feel so great. Sure, you might have your differences but who cares? Everything will work out just fine because you can both recite season 3 of The Wire by heart. I mean, clearly you’re soulmates! Or something.

But, here’s the thing with deal breakers: they’re sneaky. On one hand, you have the really obvious stuff that makes you recoil in horror (like the time they showed up to your cousin’s rehearsal dinner in socks and shower shoes) but, then there is the stuff that doesn’t seem like a deal-breaker right now but might become one later on (i.e. that your date is dead set on raising their future children on a commune that grows organic soy beans.)

In order to have a healthy, long-lasting relationship, it’s important that you share common goals and values. As a relationship becomes more serious, the things that once didn’t seem like a big deal have a knack of coming to the surface. Hence, the reason it’s always a good idea to keep your eyes open while enjoying those heady first days of new love.

Here’s a few deal-breakers that might not matter now, but are worth considering before you take your relationship to the next level.

1. How they handle their finances.

When you’ve just started dating, your new partner’s financial habits aren’t necessarily on your radar. So, they like dropping $150 dollars at dinner on a bottle of wine? Whatever, it’s their money! Bring on the bubbly! However, as you begin to build a life together, the other person’s approach to money and their finances does start to matter. For example, your date might seem fun and spontaneous in the interim, but when it comes time to save for a common goal, their spendthrift lifestyle may seriously clash with your frugal “mend and make-do” approach to money. As Prince once sang, “money don’t matter tonight,” but it will eventually.

2. Religion.

Although I was baptized Catholic, I’m not very religious in the traditional sense. I tend to date people who either share a similar background or are even less religious than I am. Consequently, since religion doesn’t play a particularly large role in my life, I figured it wasn’t really an issue when it came to dating – until it was.

In college I dated a guy who was a born again Christian. We had so much fun together that I didn’t really give his faith that much weight, but when it became clear that some of our values were very different (for example, he was adamant that his future children be raised in his church) I realized it was something I could no longer ignore. On the flipside, I also dated an atheist who told me he felt “uncomfortable” with the fact that I wore a crucifix necklace and made me take it off in his presence.

People often shy away from discussing religion, when really it’s something you should talk about. How religious is your partner? How do they feel about interfaith relationships? Are they willing to convert or vice versa? This is all things you need to discuss before you get serious.

3. How they handle conflict.

Do they shy away from conflict, preferring to sweep everything under the rug (until the conflict eventually explodes)? Are you able to solve problems together without it turning into an argument? When you do argue, do they fight fair? What’s their communication style like? Does it match yours? As a couple you’re going to encounter conflict and you need to be on a similar page when it comes to how you handle it.

4. Children.

I didn’t realize this was a deal-breaker for me until I dated someone who told me that they absolutely did not want children ever under any circumstances. It might seem premature to ask your date about their thoughts on kids, but it’s better to talk about it so you can gauge whether this will become a deal-breaker in the future.

5. Lifestyle goals.

You’re having the time of your life with your new love, until one of you reveals that their dream is to go “off the grid” and live in a yurt deep in the wildness. You can’t imagine Sunday mornings without the morning paper and a gluten free cronut from the hipster coffee shop down the street from your apartment. Sound familiar? It may not matter as much when you’re in the throes of infatuation, but how someone’s lifestyle works with yours is huge.