In order to be successful with online dating, you need to be optimistic. Online dating involves endless amounts of trial and error. I like to think of finding the right person online (or anywhere) as a marathon, not a sprint. You need to have the endurance provided by an optimistic outlook in order to make it to the finish line (yes, that’s right people – the bitter, negative dater doesn’t get the worm.)
With that said, being an optimist in the world of online dating isn’t without it’s challenges. In fact, some of the stuff you have to deal with is straight up annoying.
Here’s a few examples –
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People who try and kill your optimistic vibe.
“You’re too picky!”
“Psssh. Online dating? Please. You’re never going to find what you’re looking for on the internet.”
“There’s only weirdos online. Maybe you should quit.”
Do any of these sound familiar? One of the biggest challenges of being an optimist is dealing with “haters.”
Yes, it’s true – maybe, online dating isn’t for everyone. But, for every person who’s struck out online there are countless success stories. Face it – online dating is one of the easiest ways to meet people these days (if you don’t let your pessimistic attitude kill your chances.) If you’re a dating optimist like me, it can get super annoying having to constantly remind the negative folk that online dating is no longer the exception to the norm, it is the norm. If you choose to remain open and hopeful – that’s your choice. In the words of Kendrick Lamar, please “don’t kill my vibe!”
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The super negative profile write up.
We’ve all seen them. They go a little something like this:
“I’m recently divorced and looking to find love again. DO NOT CONTACT ME IF: YOU’RE A PLAYER, GOLD DIGGER, DEAD BEAT PARENT OR TERRIBLE PERSON. I’ve already had to deal with that with my ex and I’M DONE! If you’re into DRAMA, keep walking. I DON’T want to hear from you!! By the way, I really like cute puppies and laughing (JUST NOT WITH DEADBEATS AND LOSERS.)”
Um, yeah. The first time I saw one of these kinds of profiles, I laughed. Hysterically. However, it starts to feel like a bummer when I realized that there are just so. many. profiles. like. this. online.
I get it – you’ve been hurt in love. Who of us hasn’t?! However, for the optimistic dater, these kinds of oh-so-prevalent profiles are enough to make you want to pull out your hair. How can you expect to meet someone that brings something positive to the table when everything in your profile is negative?!
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Finding someone you really like, then never hearing back from them.
As an online dating optimist, there’s been so many times that I’ve found someone that looks amazing online (great photos! good-looking! smart! well-spoken!) and thought, “what if?” However, when I send them a message, I only get radio silence. Yes, it’s totally annoying (especially considering I’ve already started to daydream about the log cabin and pair of labradors we’ll own someday. What?) but it’s unfortunately part of the online dating game. As discouraging as it is, the optimist knows that the only way to succeed is to let it go (instead of letting it drag them down.) On to the next one!
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Rejection.
Whether you’re online or off, unfortunately, rejection is an inherent part of dating. It’s unpleasant but we’ve all encountered it. However, what separates the optimists from the pessimists is how they deal with rejection. If you’re an optimist, the initial sting of rejection is felt strongly (see above re: wood cabin fantasy) however, unlike the pessimists, we don’t let rejection drag us down, allowing us to become bitter. Yes, rejection sucks, it’s annoying, but how else are we going to meet the right person if we don’t reject or get rejected by the wrong ones?
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The apparent death of romance.
A few years ago, I went on a date with a nice man who, at the end of the date declared, “Well, that was great. I can’t wait to find out what’s wrong with you!” You could almost hear the screech of the record as the romance died a quick and violent death.
For those of us who are still optimistic about the prospect of finding love online, one of the biggest challenges can be the apparent “death of romance.” Between all of the shirtless selfies, questionable profile write ups (see above), creepy comes ons, requests for nude photos and the prevalence of hookup culture – if you’re an optimist you continually have to put your blinders on and remind yourself that not everyone online is like this (because it’s true.)
