We’ve all been there – you’ve been chatting online or maybe you’ve even gone on a bunch of dates and yet, it feels like the dating relationship is going nowhere fast. Commitment-phobes are everywhere – even on online dating sites that are specifically for people looking for a relationship.

Commitment-phobes are usually very charming. They love the chase and will pursue you relentlessly. However, what makes them a commitment-phobe is that they lack the desire or ability to follow through after the chase is over. Because of this, commitment-phobes are huge time wasters.

To avoid being ensnared by a commitment-phobe online, here are a few signs that you should watch out for.

1. They’re avoiding meeting up –

You’ve been exchanging messages with them frequently and yet, they seem to be reluctant to ask you out or meet up. Keep in mind, you’re looking for a date, NOT a pen-pal. If you click with someone online, you should want to actually meet them in person. After all, isn’t that the point of online dating?! However, if you’ve been talking to someone online and they continually skirt the subject of meeting in person, this should signal several red flags. Worse case scenario, their unwillingness to meet up could mean that they aren’t really who they say they are (hello, Catfish!) or it could just mean that they like the attention they get online but don’t have the ability to take their online romances into real life. It doesn’t matter how much you like them, this person is an online dating time-waster.

2. They plan everything last minute –

Another key indicator of a commitment phobe is that they are unable to plan dates more than a day in advance. They’re always getting in touch at the very last minute and can only make plans on the fly. FYI, “So, it’s 11:30 pm and I’m at a bar with a bunch of buddies. Wanna come with?” does not constitute planning a date in advance. Although some spontaneity in a relationship is great, the person you’re dating should be able to plan dates or nights out with you days or weeks in advance. In fact, they should be excited to do so! If you ask the person you’re dating, “So, I was thinking we could go to do ______next week. How does that sound?” and their response is always “maybe” or “let’s play it by ear,” there’s a good chance that you’re dealing with a commitment-phobe.

3. It feels like you’re at a standstill –

A few years ago I spent several months dating a guy who in retrospect, was a total commitment-phobe. We went on a bunch of dates – usually one or two weeks apart – however, it never felt like the relationship was moving forward. He never tried to see me more than once a week and never once did he broach the subject of where the relationship was going. He was one of the first people I dated after getting out of a long-term relationship, so I let it carry on under the guise of not really knowing any better. Looking back, dating him was an epic waste of my time. If someone is into you, they’ll want to see you as much as they can. They’ll also be able to have an adult conversation about where the relationship is going without brushing it off with statements like, “I’m just not into labels.” If neither of these things are happening, you might have a commitment-phone on your hands.

4. They’re full of excuses –

A commitment-phobe will try and blame you for why the relationship isn’t moving forward, instead of owning up to the fact that they just can’t or don’t want to commit. The commitment-phobe is chock full of excuses. They’ll accuse you of “putting too much pressure” on them or being “needy” in order to deflect the blame from themselves. They’ll also blame outside sources like work or family for being too busy, thus preventing them from being able to be with you 100%. While people’s schedules are complicated, wanting to date someone shouldn’t be. If someone really wants to be with you, they’ll make it happen. Period.

5. You’ve never met their friends, family or seen where they live.

Alternatively, the one time you did go to their home it looked like a motel room or somewhere Patrick Bateman would live. In the months that I spent dating the guy I mentioned above, I never met his friends, family or saw where he lived (despite the fact that he had been to my house on many occasions.) Only now does this seem like a massive red flag. Commitment-phobes are verrrrry good at compartmentalizing their lives. By keeping all the various entities of their life separate they never have to risk getting close to or committing to someone. This inability to open up is what prevents them from getting into meaningful relationships. It’s the perfect plan, however it doesn’t mean that you have to stick around to watch it play out.