When it comes to how we present ourselves to the world, there is something to be said for class, grace and knowing how to carry one’s self, both in appearance and behavior. We can say all we want about how “looks don’t matter” and so on. This may be true in some cases, however even if looks don’t matter, first impressions certainly do.

When we say, “they’re really classy,” it means that we view this person as having grace, style, modesty and high-standards. Regardless of their bank account, they know how to put themselves together and behave in a way that’s respectful and appropriate. It’s not that they don’t have sex appeal – they do – it’s just that they know how to leave a little something to the imagination. These are not only traits that I hope to embody myself, but also things that I look for in a partner.

While the instinct may be to go for sheer sex appeal or “sexiness” when dating (oh hey, shirtless muscled guy posting selfies. I see you) I’m here to tell you that classiness will always trump sexiness online.

Take Miley Cyrus and Beyonce for example. One is a young, lithe pop star, with a penchant for sticking out her tongue and wearing very little clothing. The other (Beyonce) is an icon – she’s an amazing performer but for all the electricity she displays on stage and her in her videos, you get the impression that she also knows when to be reserved (i.e. when it comes to her personal life.) Both Miley and Beyonce are talented, but I think you’d agree that only one (Queen B.) can really claim the moniker of “classy.” While Miley is sticking out her tongue and grinding on stage, Beyonce knows how to reel it in, without ever losing our attention. Miley entertains us, but Beyonce is the woman we look up to.

In terms of classiness, sex appeal and dating, my motto is this: be the Beyonce of dating, not the Miley.

Here’s a few reasons why classiness is always a better choice than sexiness.

1) You get what you attract –

Like attracts like. If you’re hoping to meet someone with certain attributes, you need to embody and project the same. If you present yourself with elegance and class online, you will attract like-minded individuals (and probably also a handful of people who wouldn’t know classiness if it hit them in the face, but you’re classy – you possess the tact and grace to politely weed these ones out.)

2) It isn’t just one or the other –

You don’t have to just be classy or sexy. You can be both. For me, personally, sexiness stems from classiness. When I meet someone who is pulled together, polite, well mannered and takes pride in the way he/she presents themselves in public, that is incredibly sexy to me (way more than the dude who just shows up to our date in whatever shows off his abs.) If you make keeping it classy your number one priority, the sexiness will come through in a way that’s effortless and authentic.

3) You leave something to the imagination –

True confidence comes from knowing that you don’t have to put everything on the table in order for people to like you. Think back to Miley and Beyonce. Queen B. knows she doesn’t have to stick out her tongue, pose nude or even say yes to every interview opportunity. Her talent, wits and beauty speak for themselves. However, when she does grace us with her presence, oh my, it’s lovely. As Beyonce is probably well aware, leaving a little something to the imagination keeps your fans (or in this case, dates) wanting more.

4) It’s good dating karma –

Being classy online means taking the high road. Do you want to be remembered as the guy or girl who got wasted on the first date and then sent a slew of inappropriate messages? Or the person who is prone to sending angry, f-bomb ridden texts whenever they’re rejected? No, of course not. Being truly classy means always taking the high-road. While sometimes doing the right thing may seem futile (especially when you’re dealing with scenarios like the ones above), it is good dating karma. If you put good vibes out into the dating realm, you get good vibes back.

5) You’ll be remembered…in a good way –

It’s funny what you remember about people you meet online. I’m more prone to remember whether someone opened doors for me, was a good conversationalist and had good manners, than things to do with physical appearance or what kind of car they drove. On the hand, that super hot guy who made a totally inappropriate sexual remark on our first date – I’ll always remember him…as a total creep. The moral of this story: keep it classy. Be the guy/girl that’s remembered for the right reasons.