A few years ago, after ending a long term relationship, I started dating a guy who was so clearly a rebound. We spent a really intense few months together where everything was all sunshine and rainbows, until one day he called me up and dumped me out of the blue. In hindsight, I was still feeling vulnerable from my previous relationship, so this breakup hit me like a ton of bricks. After receiving the news, I spent the next 12 hours propped up in bed, alternating between crying and binge-watching Homeland, until my best friend could come pick me up and remove me from the scene of the crime.

Although this was one of the worst breakups I’d experienced, unlike past breakups which would involve a week of crying, followed by lingering obsessive thoughts, I actually managed to get over that dude rather quickly thanks to some handy mental hacks I devised.

If you’re going through a breakup, here are a few things you can do to ease the process along.

1. Set a timeline.

You can’t set a timeline for how long it will take you recover from a break-up. You just can’t. But, you can set a timeline for how long you’ll allow yourself to wallow. And by wallow, I mean spending days on end in your pajamas, alternately crying and binge watching Netflix while eating food that’s bad for you. You need to give yourself time to feel everything that you need to feel have that “I’m just going to eat Ben & Jerry’s right out of the carton” moment. But, there also comes a point where you need to get up and get on with life. Although I didn’t really plan it this way, spending time with my friend right after the breakup was really helpful. I was still sad in the days and weeks going forward, but I wasn’t wallowing. I was feeling my pain and moving forward.

2. See a therapist.

Talking to your friends about your breakup is great (heck, sometimes you need that night out with your friends where you get a bit tipsy and bitch about your ex and/or breakup.) But, in my personal experience, therapy is even better. Afraid that you might be overburdening your friends with tales of your breakup? Don’t have anyone you can talk to? Want to get over your ex in a healthy way? Talk to a professional. That’s what they’re there for. A therapist can help you break down what really went wrong in your relationship in a way that someone who is close to you or the situation probably can’t, so that you can move forward with your life. If I hadn’t had a professional to talk to after my breakup, I don’t think I could have dealt with it as well as I did.

3. Make a “See-ya!” list.

Write down in list format everything that annoyed you about your ex or your relationship and all of the ugly feelings you’re currently experiencing – for example, “the way he’d always stare at his phone during dinner” or “feeling rejected after the breakup.” Don’t hold back. When you’re finished creating the list, destroy it. Light it on fire. Flush it down the toilet. Throw it in the ocean. Do whatever you need to do to symbolically release these negative feelings and experiences. Saying “see ya!” to the bad stuff will help prevent the obsessive thoughts that often take hold following a breakup. It sounds silly but you’d be surprised how much this helps.

4. Have a personal mantra. Practice it daily.

I know what you’re thinking: “what kind of hippie nonsense is this?!” but work with me here. Having a key phrase that you repeat to yourself whenever you catch yourself having obsessive thoughts about your ex can be really helpful. It can be something as simple as:

“This relationship ended because it wasn’t the right relationship.”

or

“I choose to be happy because there’s something better out there for me.”

It can even be something to remind you of why things didn’t work out with your ex, like:

“He/she never listened to my needs. I want more than that.”

or

“We wanted totally different things out of life.”

Whatever it takes to remind you that this was not the right relationship and to encourage you to move forward.

5. Add something new to your life.

Never underestimate the power of a great distraction. Post-breakup is the perfect time to add something new to your life. Maybe that means checking out that all new boxing gym that just opened in your neighbourhood or adopting a rescue pet, either way – finding something positive to direct your focus towards is a great way to fill the void left by your past relationship in a healthy, fulfilling way.