Let’s get real for a minute. We all know that when it comes to dating, “ghosting” – aka, ceasing contact with someone you’re dating and disappearing without a trace – isn’t the coolest move. With that said, most of us have done it at one point or another. We’ve ghosted because we just can’t face the inherent awkwardness of having the “talk” where we tell the other person that we don’t want to date them anymore. However, many of us have also taken the ghosting route because at the time it literally felt like the best and only option available to us. Sometimes you just have to cut all ties online.

Not sure whether you should ghost? Whether you’re cutting ties with an ex or someone new, here are a few instances where ghosting is the best choice.

1. They make you feel uncomfortable.

So, here’s the situation: you met online and have exchanged a few messages. Maybe things have even been working up to one of you asking the other person out. Then, the bombshell hits: they say something that is really offensive and/or makes you feel completely uncomfortable. BAM. Potential for romance: killed.

A lot of people will tell you things like, “You need to address their behaviour! How else will they ever know that they’re making people feel uncomfortable?!” However, I’m of the school of thought that if you don’t really owe anyone anything in these kinds of situations. You are not required to communicate with anyone who makes your skin crawl and you’re certainly not required to teach them social skills that they should have acquired by now. As I’ve learned from experience, it’s usually not worth continuing communication with these kinds of people. If someone makes you feel uncomfortable or uneasy, that’s your gut telling you that something is “off” and the best thing to do is to discontinue contact.

2. They didn’t afford you the same kind of respect.

In general, if you’ve gone out with someone who a nice person and treats you respectfully, you should make an effort to communicate with them that you don’t want to see them again. A simple, “I think you’re great but I just don’t sense a romantic vibe between us” will suffice. I’ve learned that most people appreciate it when you’re honest and polite (versus being left hanging.)

With that said, if someone doesn’t afford you the same respect, cutting ties is the best option. For example, a few years ago I went out with a guy on a first date. Although I wasn’t really feeling a connection, he seemed like a nice enough guy. However, a few nights later, he called me drunk at 2am, wanting to know if he could come over. The phone call was crude, explicit and completely uncalled for. If this phone call had never happened, I probably would have rejected him politely, however when he texted a few days later to see if I wanted to go on a second date, I just never wrote back. Simply put, it just didn’t seem like it was worth my time.

3. Saying something will just cause more drama.

Like many of you out there, when it comes to my dating life, I like to avoid drama at all costs. So, when faced with these kinds of situations (where I know I don’t want to talk to someone anymore), I often do a cost/benefit analysis of continuing contact. Is saying something really worth the time? Or will it just create more drama? If you’re dealing with someone that already makes you feel uneasy, do you really want to enter into a (potentially lengthy) exchange with them? I’m guessing NO. In these cases, it’s totally kosher to just ghost and move on.

4. Ghosting is the only way for you to get over them.

We’ve all been in a situation where we’ve tried to get over someone we’ve dated while still maintaining contact with them. It’s hard. If your ex insists on staying in touch and it’s creating problems in your life (for example, it’s preventing you from healing and/or moving on to a new relationship), sometimes the best thing to do is to cut all ties. This is especially true if the relationship was never healthy and happy in the first place. If your ex is a toxic force in your life, it’s OK to ghost. At the very least, let them know that you are cutting ties and stick to your word.

5. You legitimately don’t want this person in your life.

If discontinuing contact with someone in your life – for example, that rude guy/girl, that terrible first (and only) date or that toxic ex – is going to hurt your sanity more than help it, it’s perfectly legit to cut ties. We all need to protect ourselves and our hearts. Sometimes the only way to accomplish that is by not saying anything at all. Delete the message. Don’t return that text. Ghost away, my friends!