When it comes to online dating, I’m all for just being yourself. You want to meet someone who likes the real you – not some concocted persona that you’ve tailored to suit their interests. So, why pretend to be someone you’re not?

With that said, there might be certain things you’re doing that are holding you back from getting the most out of online dating, and eventually, finding love.

I hate to break it to you, but if you’re doing these things you’re probably going to be (unhappily single) for a long time.

1. Idealizing relationships.

You have an iron-clad idea of what the perfect relationship should look like and you’re not willing to deviate from this fantasy. A huge part of this is that you assume that when the right person comes along, everything will just fall in place and the relationship will be perfect from the get-go. You won’t have to do any work because your ideal partner will just get you. And when this doesn’t happen, you bounce. Well, relationships don’t work that way. Even the best relationships can be messy and need work. Expecting anything less is not only wildly unrealistic, it’s just straight up lazy.

2. Changing yourself to suit you love interests.

We all have that one friend who seems to go through a metamorphosis every time they start dating someone new, raising eyebrows in the process. From their hairstyle (“I think I can totally make this David Bowie-esque mullet work in a corporate setting”) to their interests (“I’m really into transcendental geometry now…because Ryan is”), they’re so thirsty for love that they’re willing to fake it until they make it. Don’t be this friend. Instead of trying to bend yourself into what you think someone else wants, be the kind of person you want to attract.

3. Pursuing the wrong kinds of people over and over again.

If you’re looking for a serious commitment, stop going after people who can’t offer you what you need. Whether it’s someone who is already in a relationship, the hot girl or guy who says on their profile they’re “just looking for something casual” or the person you’ve been dating who has repeatedly told you that they’re “not into labels” (ahem, “not interested in a relationship”), these people clearly don’t want the same things as you. You’re not going to magically change their minds, so stop trying to date them.

4. Having a set list of requirements.

While there’s definitely things we should all want from the people we date – for example, honesty, integrity and kindness – if you have a laundry list of “requirements” (ie. your ideal partner needs to be this height/size/income bracket/eye-color)  and you’re not willing to be flexible, you’re doing it wrong. It sounds like you’re trying to cast an actor in a movie, not date someone in real life.

5. Not holding yourself up to the same high standards.

So, you only want to date someone who makes a certain yearly salary, works out everyday and volunteers their spare time helping orphans? That’s great. What are you bringing to the table? It’s not realistic to expect someone else to be all of these things, if you’re not willing to work towards the same goals. If you want to meet someone who is fit and altruistic, start volunteering somewhere and get active (in other words, you’re not going to meet your dream man/woman sitting on your butt just because you think you “deserve” them.) As I mentioned above, you need to be the the person you want to meet.

6. Waiting for a relationship to change your life.

Meeting the love of your life is going to “complete you” by finally making you feel happy/loved/secure/comfortable with your thighs. Uh, no. You can’t expect someone else to be responsible for your own happiness. That journey needs to start with you. Stop waiting around for someone to swoop in and make your life better. Instead, build a happy life on your own terms first.

7. Holding on to bitterness and negative feelings.

We’ve all been hurt. Unfortunately, that’s one of the side effects of dating. It’s what you do with those feelings after that matter. If you’re hanging on to past strifes and allowing it to make you bitter, you’re not leaving much room in your heart for good things. You’re poisoning your own well. Feel what you need to feel and then let that stuff go.

8. Listening to your friends and outside sources instead of your gut.

If I’d listened to my friends when I met my ex on public transit (and immediately started dating him), we probably never would have become a couple (because meeting people on the subway is “creepy.”) My gut told me that he was a good person and I was right. We were together for 6 years. More often than not, your intuition will tell you exactly what you need to know. If you’re still consulting your friends on every little dating decision, you might want to try trusting yourself a bit more.

9. Overanalyzing everything.

If 90% of your day is spent analyzing your date’s text messages, consulting with your friends and asking, “what do you think this means?!” you need to stop that. It’s turning you into a crazy person and distracting you from what’s important: actually getting to know someone new without reading into every little thing.

10. Forcing square pegs into round holes.

Not everyone you meet is going to be your soulmate – no matter how badly you want them to be. So, stop trying to rush into things by forcing a connection and idealizing the person you’re dating. If you give the relationship space to breath, it will be easier to see whether you’re actually a good match or not.