Exclusivity. In recent years, it seems like this term has received a lot of attention. What our parents likely referred to as “going steady,” exclusivity simply means that you have decided to only date each other so you can see where the relationship goes. Even if you haven’t said the l-word, being exclusive means that you can finally change your facebook status from “it’s complicated” to “in a relationship.”

For many of us there who are online dating, exclusivity (ie. being in a committed relationship) is the end goal. However, with all the emphasis on exclusivity – just go online and you’ll find thousands of articles with tips on how to get someone to be exclusive with you – no one really talks about what exclusivity means and why choosing it isn’t always the best option.

In fact, here’s a few truly terrible reasons to become exclusive with that person you met online.

1. You don’t have anything else going on –

If the other person says, “I really like you and I’d like us to be exclusive” and your response is, “Ok, why the heck not?” you’re doing exclusivity wrong. Not only is that the most unromantic answer ever, but exclusivity is a choice. You’re choosing to only date the other person because you’re really into them and interested in developing a relationship with them. Allowing yourself to drift into exclusivity because you don’t have any other prospects on the horizon does a disservice to both parties. You each deserve to be with someone that you’re really into. When you choose exclusivity out of convenience no one truly gets what they want. Be intentional with your dating life. If you’re not 100% excited about being exclusive, save everyone the grief and refrain from trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.

2. You don’t want them dating anyone else –

There’s a huge difference between saying “I really like this person and I want them to be mine” and “I like this person. I don’t really want to commit, but I don’t want them to be with anyone else in the meantime.” The first statement is fuelled by confidence about one’s desire and feelings, whereas the second is driven by jealousy. If you’re not legitimately interested in being in a committed relationship with someone, you don’t have any say in whether they date other people. You can’t just “claim” someone and put them on a shelf with the intention of,  “hey maybe I’ll use this later.” Not only is this not fair to the other person, it keeps you in a kind of limbo that prevents you from fully moving on and finding someone that you do want to commit to.

3. You want to date other people but don’t have the time or skill to do so.

I get it. Juggling dating several people isn’t in everyone’s schedule or skillset. However, just because you don’t have the time or ability to date multiple people doesn’t mean you should settle for the person in front of you. You should be excited about the prospect of being exclusive with the object of your affection. If being being able to call them your boyfriend or girlfriend doesn’t bring a smile to your face, you’re doing things wrong. Don’t settle. Ever. Instead, find someone who makes you smile like a big, grinning fool.

4. You need someone to fill a certain role in your life.

I once met a guy who told me, “I need to find a girl by the end of May at the latest so I’ll have someone to go camping with. If this doesn’t happen, I’m pretty sure the summer will suck.” Dude. It doesn’t work that way. Yes, having a boyfriend or girlfriend is nice because you always have a built in “plus-one,” however the people you date aren’t there to serve your needs. In other words, it’s not just about you.  As the old saying goes, the only time you should be in a relationship is when you don’t need to be in a relationship.

So, what are some good reasons to become exclusive?

Really there’s only one: because you really like the person, want to be with them and are excited to call them your boyfriend, girlfriend or partner. It’s really as simple as that. You want to be in a relationship with them and the thought of dating anyone doesn’t appeal to you at all. Choosing to be exclusive with someone means that you’re ready to make that person a part of your life – for example, you’re excited at the prospect of introducing them to your friends and family. If you’ve answered “yes” to these reasons, you’re approaching exclusivity from a good place.