There’s no denying that dating in your 30’s is a completely different ballgame than dating in your twenties. Not only are you older, you’re also more confident and have learned some valuable lessons from your previous dating and relationship experiences.

For better or for worse, here are 15 ways that dating changes in your 30’s –

1. In your 20’s dating someone with “baggage” means that your love interest still had their ex’s dilapidated futon and bag of hockey equipment stored in their basement. “Baggage” in your 30’s means that the person you are dating has been in at least one very serious relationship which may or may not have resulted in divorce, children and a complicated alimony agreement.

2. In your 30’s time is of the essence! After dating a wide variety of people in your 20’s, you now know what you want and aren’t interested in wasting your time on people who don’t. That hot, goateed guy who is happy to work in a coffee shop between regular backpacking trips to “find himself” is no longer appealing like he was when you were in your 20’s. The way you see it, if you haven’t found yourself by now, it’s  a losing battle.

3. One of the cool things to come out of all your dating experiences in your 20’s is that your BS detector has become much more acute. You’ve finally been able to embody Maya Angelou’s advice (RIP) “When people show you who they are, believe them.” You’ve become way better at tuning into what people’s intentions are and cutting your losses when they don’t mesh with yours.

4. Unlike in your 20’s, you now value a quiet night in with Netflix versus going on a date with someone questionable just so that you’ll have a story to tell later. Pajamas and Veronica Mars marathon > going to see that unknown indie band with a guy or who is hot but kind of smells like mothballs.

5. Whereas in your 20’s you’d spend your dates recounting stories of “that time I got wasted and did that crazy thing,” in your 30’s it’s not uncommon for you and your date to spend an evening discussing dietary restrictions and health ailments.

6. Your pre-date preparations will become much more involved than they used to be. In your 20’s “date prep” meant getting drunk in the shower and maybe brushing your hair before throwing on a pair of jeans. In your 30’s, your pre-date prep likely involves an anxiety fuelled flurry of activity that includes a slew beauty treatments, a “you can do it pal!” pep-talk to yourself in the mirror and possibly some stretches (you wouldn’t want to injure that Achilles tendon while in the bedroom!)

7. You have a much stronger sense of self than you did in 20’s. Although rejection still hurts, you’re much more self-confident which means you’ve become much better at handling it – both as the rejectee and the rejector.

8. In your 30’s, you know who you are and what you ultimately want, so you’ll also become a lot less compromising when it comes to whether a relationship is a good fit for you. The challenge is that almost everyone you meet has also evolved in a similar way. Finding someone that you click with on all levels can feel like trying to put together a 1000 piece puzzle that’s made of 90% blue sky.

9. For many of us, when it came to the topic of marriage and kids when we were in our 20’s we were like, “Pffft! I don’t even have to think about that right now. That’s a problem for Future Me. Now pass me another wine cooler.” However, now that you’re in your 30’s these are totally normal and valid things to discuss. Regardless of whether you want these things for yourself or not, it’s important that you and the person you’re dating are on the same page.

10. Because of this, you’ll meet a lot of people who are on the fast track to marriage and want to be your “instant boyfriend/girlfriend” (just add desperation and stir!) These people are scary and always will be. Stay away…far, far away.

11. When you’re having a bad day, the dating pool feels ridiculously small and like you’re just part of a shrinking group of “leftovers” who didn’t get married in their late twenties. You’ll spend whole weeks avoiding your online dating account because when you log on it feels like you’re visiting the dating equivalent of the “Island of the Misfit Toys.”

12. However, on a good day, dating in your 30’s is awesome. Beers at dingy dive bars have been replaced by wine and gourmet food at fine dining establishments. Who doesn’t enjoy a nice night out?

13. Although you’ve become more particular and cautious about getting into a relationship with someone, you’ve become a lot better at communicating what you want in the bedroom.

14. This is good, because if you’re a 30-something woman your hormones are raging. However, after a decade of making bad decisions in your 20’s, you’re much more selective about who you get naked with. It can be confusing. Most days you want to have sex with everyone and no one all at the same time.

15. You adopt more of a “take it or leave it approach to dating.” You know you’re awesome and if someone doesn’t recognize that, you’re confident enough to know that someone else most definitely will.