You’re looking for a committed, long-term relationship and you’ve finally met someone you really like. The only problem? They don’t seem to be sold on this whole ‘commitment thing.’ Sound familiar? It’s not just you – we’ve all experienced this scenario at some point in our dating careers.

So, how do you ‘get’ someone to commit? Easy: you don’t. Although it’s tempting to pursue a committed relationship aggressively when you know it’s what you want, someone is only going to truly commit to you if it’s what they want too.

Here’s a handful of things you should never do if you’re looking for a commitment.

1. Pretend that you don’t want a commitment.

It’s so easy to fall into the role of the cool, breezy guy or girl (“A serious commitment? Who me? Nah, I’m just happy chilling”) when really, that’s not who you are or what you want. Afterall, pressuring someone into committing to you isn’t cool so, it’s better to stick around, act cool and then hopefully they’ll decide to commit to you when they’re ready – right? Well, not exactly. The first step to finding a committed relationship is acknowledging that you actually want one.

2. Sticking around even though they’re not giving you what you want.

When you pretend you’re “cool” with less than what you truly want, you’re the only one who loses. Sticking around even though you’re not getting what you want out of a relationship isn’t going to make the other person change, it’s just going to reconfirm for them that you’re OK with how things are (when you’re not.) You deserve to be happy and fulfilled.

If someone isn’t prepared to give you what you need, you can’t be afraid to walk away.

3. Nagging the other person.

Nagging often has an inverse effect in relationships. In other words, it can be a huge turn off. If you want the other person to commit to you, constantly pestering them about it isn’t going to help things. There’s a big difference between nagging (“Why aren’t you committing to me? You need to commit to meeee. Nowwww.”) and being clear about your needs (“I want a commitment and I don’t think I can stay in a relationship without one.”) Choose the latter.

4. Not listening to them when they say they don’t want a relationship.

If someone says that they’re not looking for a relationship or a commitment of any kind, you need to pay attention. They’re doing you a favor by being super clear about what they want. Listen to them. If what they want out of the relationship isn’t the same as what you want, you need to walk away. Dwelling on it isn’t going to change their mind.

5. Trying to change them.

If someone wants to commit to you, they will. Trying to convince them that it’s “the right thing to do” and that they “should commit” or getting their friends and/or family on board to plead your case is only going to make them feel cornered. Even if they do end up bending to your will, they’re always going to feel resentful towards you, which doesn’t provide a basis for a healthy relationship. Besides, who wants to be with someone that they had to “convince” to be in a relationship with them?

6. Clinging.

“Maybe if I act extra clingy, they’ll see how awesome I am and want to spend more time with me.” Uh, that’s not how this works. Clinging to someone isn’t going to make them want to commit to you; in fact, it will probably make them want to do the opposite. Regardless of what you want, people need space. Give it to them.

7. Not following through on your actions.

If you have to issue an ultimatum to the person you’re dating, for example, “I’m going to walk out the door if you don’t commit to me!” – you’re probably already not in a great place relationship wise. However, if you’ve explained to them that you can’t be with them if they don’t commit but you stick around anyways, you’re not doing yourself any favors. By not walking away when you say you’re going to walk away, you disrespect your own needs and let the other person know that it’s OK if they do the same – neither of which is cool.

8. Trying to prove that you’re ‘worth’ committing to.

You’re already worth committing to. If someone doesn’t realize this, that’s on them. As poet and author Alysia Harris says, “The moment you feel you have to prove your worth to someone is the moment to absolutely and utterly walk away.”